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Blood and Steel (Page 1)
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Post by
Dralas
And here we go..
- The snowy mountains of Dun Morogh were quiet, only the rustling from a nearby rabbit in a bush. Traveling along the path was a lone paladin, William Black. He had nothing but a simple hammer and shield, the rest of himself in dirty clothes from his long travels. His hair was brown, very tangled for its short height. His height was of average of any other human, his face covered in hair from not shaving in days.
His travel was constantly haunted by memories... the fact that he couldn't remember his memories. William could only hope his travels would help reveal his past and discover what had happened so long ago.. he only remembered few things. His last few years were nothing but painful fighting, always looking for an anwser but never getting one.
William walked quietly along the path, beginning his long walk up the long trail up the mountain to the famous city he had only heard of. The chilling wind passing through him, cutting to his very bones...
Eventually, William could see ahead the famous city known as Ironforge. The huge gate looming above everything, gryphons flying in and out while guards constantly ran through. William walked inside the front gate, looking around in awe at the shear size of the city, that any being could build something this large.
William walked around a corner, pushing through the never ending crowd. He was suddenly knocked down by some dwarf, scrambling to try and get back up. William spun around to try and find the dwarf when he turned straight into another person. They crashed into each other and the other dropped a bag of weapon parts.
"Watch were your going!" the other barked. William looked up to see a tall draenei female, who was constantly swearing under her breath as she picked up the items.
"I'm truly sorry, I was just trying to-"
"Look, just help me pick this up so I can leave" the draenei said. William nodded and bent down, picking up the parts and helping put it back into the bag. William glanced up every once in a while to try and get a better look at the draenei, noticing that her eyes had a stronger glow then he would have expected. He also noticed a crest on her shoulder that revealed a large blade etched into the shirt she wore, outlined in a blue line.
Once he had finished helping, they stood up looking at each other.
"I really am sorry.. my name is Will-"
"Yeah, I need to get going now" she said, walking off.
"Odd place already.."
William thought, going back to trying to find a place that would help him get around the huge city.
(( OOC - Please leave feedback, First time at this so I'd love to hear what I can help improve ))
Post by
Skreeran
Looking good so far... :)
Looking forwards to the next entry. :)
Post by
Dralas
Thanks ^^
Post by
HiVolt
It's a really good hook into the story of this character, I like it. I'm interested to see what happens next, why he lost his memories, what the blade on the draenei's shirt represented... Like I said, it's a great hook.
On a technical note, you have a few grammatical errors, nothing huge, but when it comes to this kind of thing, I tend to be a stickler. One other thing, is it the crest on her shoulder that has the blade etching or the shirt itself? And is the crest a part of the shirt she wears or is it a protective spaulder of some kind? That's something you may want to clarify. Also, what did you mean by finding a place to help him get around the city? Do you mean like a taxi service, something like that?
All in all, very nice. I likes.
Post by
Dralas
I'll go through and check the errors. And for your questions:
The crest is etched in the shirt itself, just a symbol on the shoulder of the shirt basically. Its part of the shirt she wears.
What I meant by finding a place to help get around is mainly due to the size of Ironforge in lore, he would get lost and is mainly just trying to find a place to find a map or get directions around the city.
Post by
HiVolt
I'll go through and check the errors. And for your questions:
The crest is etched in the shirt itself, just a symbol on the shoulder of the shirt basically. Its part of the shirt she wears.
What I meant by finding a place to help get around is mainly due to the size of Ironforge in lore, he would get lost and is mainly just trying to find a place to find a map or get directions around the city.
Okay, thanks for that, I was a bit puzzled at it. Really good stuff though, can't wait to see more.
Post by
236602
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Dralas
Alright, well, think I'll update this Mondays and Fridays. Kinda like my favorite microwave show on youtube =P
Post by
Adamsm
Aye, well done, I like it.
Post by
Patty
Well, Dralas has written something! /cheer
Very impressed, but you are a good RP'er imo anyway, and this just shows it. Good job ;)
Post by
Dralas
Thanks for all the feedback, since I've gotten such positive replies, I'll go ahead and start working up ideas for Friday's page.
Post by
Septimus
Very nice. Can't wait to read more.
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